dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
