Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
