I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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