I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
