I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
