If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
