Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
