I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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