I just made out with a guy for $7.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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