you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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