Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
