the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
