he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Soap is not a condiment
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
