he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
