my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
