there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
