i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
