If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
