You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You have to summon your inner elephant
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
