Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
