I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I party with great urgency now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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