He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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