Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
