its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
