No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize