11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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