hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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