Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You have to summon your inner elephant
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The feeling are messing with the penis
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
