my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
