So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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