god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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