He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
