I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
