I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
