so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this must be what syphilis tastes like
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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