I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
smell my finger.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
