i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize