oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
