sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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