just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
