just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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