dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
