I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize