sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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