I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
