you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
