she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
