My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
