My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wish there were birth control emojis
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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