well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
