Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
