In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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