I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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