My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
