I hate your face
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
