I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
