Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
God, I missed his penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
