apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
