"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
