The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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