I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
