Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pants are for mortals
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
