Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
