She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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