Actions speak louder than pants.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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