After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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