I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
