the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
