I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
