i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
