Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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