We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
