he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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