It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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