He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
