They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
