there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
