I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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