Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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