your thong is hanging out like whoa
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
