you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
