we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i now understand why vodka
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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