im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize