after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
