Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
