Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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