the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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