I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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