dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
