I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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