It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
