ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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