after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize