its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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