Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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