Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
