im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
