i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
