Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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